All I Needed to Know
by La Phoenix
Summary: BANG scene after finale. There's something Burke needs to get off his chest.


Author's Note: Set two weeks after final scene from "Losing My Religion" in BANG's apartment. Apologies if I have spelling and syntax errors. I've been writing this in a roomful of noise; my mother-in-law is counting one to ten with my daughter in a very loud voice! Please R & R my first fanfic! And be brutally honest please, like Cristina :) This was inspired by a challenge on the More Than Coffee Board and is for all BANG lovers who have been cheated out of meaningful dialogue and Cristina confessing her feelings by GA writers.

Disclaimer: Wished I owned the characters; maybe when I make my millions :)

All I Needed to Know

"Ummn, I bought some books..and I brought home some medical journals. Oh and I found some Eugene Foote CDs I thought you didn't have..." Cristina's voice trailed off uncertainly as she stood with each of the aforementioned items in her hands. Burke sat at the table, eating lunch and reading. So far he hadn't even looked up as she spoke from the doorway, having just come off her shift.

"Thank you," he replied stiltedly, without looking or moving in her direction.

Cristina sighed, something she'd been doing a lot of lately. But she was determined to do this right, not like how she'd frozen up two weeks ago.

"Alright. How was your day?"

"Fine."

"Did you do the exercises and therapy?" she continued, sitting opposite him at the table.

"Yes."

"Has there been any more trembling? Have you spoken to Shepard?"

"Yes and no."

"Look Burke," she reached out and snatched the book from his hands. "Would it be too hard if you tried to answer in something other than monsyllables?"

"What is it you want me to say?" he asked cooly, looking at her steadily.

"Conversation would be nice."

"You, Cristina Yang, want conversation?" he scoffed in disbelief. "I find that hard to believe. That's one of the things you try to get out off."

Cristina stared at Burke a little warily, aware that they had walked into the minefield she'd been avoiding for a couple of weeks.

Several moments of silence reigned.

"I'm..really trying here. Don't I get credit for that?" Cristina said in a soft tone, unconsciously pleading with him.

"Trying? TRYING? You want to know about trying Cristina?" Burke stood up abruptly and paced the room. "How about trying to maintain a relationship with a woman who barely says two words to me in the morning? How about being in love with someone who thinks about herself and her needs foremost and could care less about mine? What about that Cristina?"

Very aware that she was on dangerous ground, Cristina had no idea what to say. She stared at Burke, hardly daring to blink, while holding her breath in anticipation of what he would say next.

Burke stood by the couch, hands on hips. "How about being in a relationship with someone whose life is surgery and whose boyfriend may no longer be a hotshot surgeon?" he asked painfully.

Silence in the apartment. Cristina wanted to speak; actually, Cristina wanted to be anywhere but there. The way Burke was looking at her reminded her of that day in the hospital. His next sentence echoed the memory.

"I..appreciate all you've done since I've been home. But I meant what I said, Cristina" He looked at the carpet then back at her. "If you want out, I won't hold a grudge." He looked down again, shaking his head. "I've had a lot of time to think. This is the most time I've been away from the hospital in years. Look at my hand." He held his hand out, fingers shaking from the effort. He made a fist with a painful grimace. "I may never operate again and if that happens I'll have to deal with it."

He looked at her again, willing her to understand. She was forever a mystery to him, but one thing he knew better than anyone was how important surgery was to her. He wouldn't hold her back from her future and it was a bright one. His mother had always told him that if you loved someone you should let them go if they wanted to leave. He smiled wryly. Not that he learned that lesson. He as a control freak and tended to push and push until he got things his way. Wasn't life ironic? The one thing he had control over, was the very thing he might never be able to do again. He focused on Cristina again, taking in her soft features which were looking at him with a mixture of wariness and confusion. It startled him then to realise that this was the face he was most accustomed to; not the smiles, not the friendly banter that she shared with the other interns. It saddened him to think that he loved her so much, but she kept so much of her hidden. To him, it confirmed what he feared - that she only respected and admired him. Now there was nothing left to respect and admire. He knew it was the time to finish what he had started two weeks ago.

He walked to the table, pausing in front of her. The words he spoke broke his heart. "We didn't make any vows to each other. You don't have to play the role of the supportive girlfriend anymore. I understand and respect how important your life is to you and how hard you've worked for your career. It's okay if you want to call this off."

Of all the emotions Cristina might have felt at that point, she did the thing she least expected to: she laughed. To say that Burke was surprised was an understatement. He was taken aback. "You find this funny?"

Cristina couldn't stop laughing. She wondered if she was going off a la Izzie and broke down giggling at the thought. Burke continued to stare at her in shock. Her laughs eventually subsiding, she said to Burke, "You're kidding, right? You think I've been here because I'm trying to be some kind of supportive girlfriend?"

Burke stared directly at her. "Then why are you staying?"

Cristina avoided his gaze. "You know."

"No I don't."

"Oh come on, Burke, that doesn't matter. What matters is that I'm here." Cristina leaned forward, looking at him earnestly, even holding his hand. Burke's eyebrows shot up. She rarely initiated touching him unless it was bedroom related. Then she couldn't keep her hands off him. He mused to himself that the bedroom ws where Cristina was at her most open - no surly intern, no snark.

"I wouldn't stay if I didn't want to be here." Cristina's eyes pleaded with him to understand.

"Why?" Burke was relentless.

"Come on, Burke. It's not...I mean...Look, umm, you're important to me...and I don't want to leave," Cristina tried to smile and failed. Her demeanour conveyed exactly how much she didn't want to have this conversation.

"Why?"

"God Burke, I don't want to..."

"This is the problem," Burke exhaled in frustration. "**You **don't, **you **can't. Don't you **ever **think about me and what I want? Did you know how much it hurt when you walked out of my hospital room? I **asked **for your opinion, dammit, your unbiaised medical opinion and you couldn't even give me that. Instead you walked away. You left me when I needed you most. How was **I **supposed to feel Cristina?" Burke could barely get the words out, feeling the painful memories of that moment.

"You asked for my opinion and I couldn't give it, alright?" Cristina ran her hands through her hair, overwhelmed by the conversation.

"Why not?" Burke snapped and Cristina lost her temper. He wanted to know? Fine, she'd tell him if it was so important!

"Because I lost my damn edge! You think it was easy seeing you like that? I couldn't give you an unbiased medical opinion because I wasn't unbiased. I was scared and terrified!" She softened her tone, looking away from him. "When I first saw you in the OR..." she swallowed, remembering the first shock at seeing Burke on the bed; some sixth sense telling her to glance up just before the OR door closed behind Bailey and Webber. She started to shake from the suppressed memories. "I thought you were dying," she said in a small voice.

Burke bent down to her level. "Why did that scare you?"

"God, Burke, please stop this..." Cristina moaned.

"Why, Cristina?" Burke demanded and Cristina wearily admitted, "Because I love you, dammit, and the thought of you dying or injured means more to me than your being a surgeon!"

Burke stared at her so steadily that Cristina started to get nervous. Maybe he didn't want her to love him; maybe he was tired of her; maybe...

Her last thought was cut off as Burke pulled her towards him in what was the most tender, passionate kiss they ever shared. It was in that moment that Cristina realised how close she'd come to losing the one thing in her life that made sense.

He pulled back and gazed deeply in her eyes. She could lose herself in that look, she thought dreamily. He excited her, bewitched her and scared the hell out of her. "That's all I needed to know," he breathed.


End file.
